December 19th, 2006

Red Birds

Last night I dreamed about my mother. In my dream she and I were standing at her front door and looking out into the yard. Under the pine tree near the porch, there were seven cardinals. One big bright red male and six brownish red females a little smaller than the male. They were taking a bath in the dirt and pine needles. Mother said, "Don't you just love the red birds?" and I looked at her and we both smiled, because we always enjoyed the birds and flowers together.

All day today that dream kept coming back to me and giving me a little rerun of the thrill I felt at being so close to Mother again. And then the sharp pain of knowing it was only a dream. It was like being on a roller coaster the entire day. I am so tired, yet I can't stop thinking about those bright red birds and Mother's smile of delight.
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    lonely lonely